I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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