Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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