Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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