She went from zero to smokin in five shots
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
