We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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