Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
