We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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