Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
there is glitter all over my balls
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