dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
