once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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