you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
