dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
