Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
