your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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