she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
