I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
