I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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