i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
