i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
