and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
