I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
