Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think your dad took our porno
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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