turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
