so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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