The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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