peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
