You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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