Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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