soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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