Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
