help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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