Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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