she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
