I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
