ugly people sure do ruin things
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
