Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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