News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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