I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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