I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
