i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
