my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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