fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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