just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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