I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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