Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
