The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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