fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
