Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
