Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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