i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
