we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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