dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
