I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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