you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
