You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
