my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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