So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
