I showed him my bush... on skype.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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