What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
