Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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