k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
