a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
