We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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