Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
