we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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