I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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