We're like a lot better than the average bears
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
